My love for the Printed Word

Recently I had occasion to read Twinkle Khanna's blog where she has given a delightful description of life with her imperfectly perfect mother. She is variously at odds or in agreement with her mother. That is Mrs. Funnybones being good at what she excels in- being funny.

My recollection of maternal manipulations stretch back on another aspect- to those days when my sister & I were striplings still going to junior school. It was our mother's determination to see that we were brought up as well lettered, articulate children never at a loss for a good word. To this end we were directed everyday to have a look at the daily newspaper, read any news article and explain the gist of the story to our mother. If this passed her scrutiny we were allowed to go down to play, otherwise we were couchbound for the rest of evening until father returned home from work. Any attempt to sneak away in the interim was met with a stern reprimand, " I know what you are doing" from the kitchen. A mother's eye is all seeing/ all knowing.

Our mother's unorthodox idea worked. Kudos to her. From here started a love affair with the printed word which has carried on till this date,  The high points range from the friendly neighborhood junk dealer from where we would occasionally unearth some gems, the W H Wheeler book stall at various railway stations on on our not so regular trips down to our home town, the lending library on the Karnataka Kerala Express which lasted all of one trip only, the pavement book shops in Connaught Place/ New Delhi where we would find a lot of similar minded souls patiently sorting their way through tottering heaps of books browned by the sun and sand, to the British Council library in Delhi where the entire family was registered as members entitling us to borrow up to 12 books at a time. I can still remember the wondering glances of the fellow passengers on the Delhi Transport Corporation buses when we couldn't be seen for the books we would be carrying. In our mind it was worth the effort.

Another incidence which comes to mind is when I brought my bride home. The first task she had was to carry out a spring cleaning of my cupboards because apart from my sparse wardrobe they were full of books of every description, shape and size including a collection of Reader's Digest from the 1940's onwards (all thanks to my father) leaving no space for her clothes. Can you imagine that - a bridegroom and his bride staggering around with loads of books just so that they can settle down in their room? Well as the Reader's Digest says "Life is Like That" or do you think "Laughter is the Best Medicine".

Such shocks apart the next stage was when Amazon introduced the Kindle. For a true bibliophile a Kindle is sacrilege in the temple of books. Yes, it is convenient, easy to hold and read, but tell me can you turn back to the cover occasionally to get a vivid feeling of the book or read the reviews on the dust jacket so that you can praise or curse the critic. To me a Kindle will still be a interloper.

More later...

Covid19 Believe it or Not

All of you must have heard no-doubt of Ripley's Believe it or Not, but that is now done and dusted. What is relevant now are the experiences people are having with Covid19.

A recent story which featured in the media is about a group of guys who were playing Ludo in a temple. Yes that's right Ludo in a temple. Can't think of a better place to play a harmless game of Ludo than in a friendly neighborhood temple, Right? So as the game is getting along, one player sneezes. Sneezing in a temple is a bad omen on any good day, but during Covid19 days it couldn't have been a worse act. On being questioned the sneezer made it worse for himself with a pretend sneeze. The game ended with a bullet. Strange way to lose a game of Ludo.Something like Russian Roulette maybe...


Then we have the couples who want to get married during these trying times. Well things are already bad but they want to take it further- for better, for worse. So we have guys who meet their spouse on dating apps/ matchmaking services etc. But Covid19 Believe it or Not, here we have a guy from the good old state of Haryana ( of more Guys than Gals fame) who found his Mexican bride on a language learning app. Gives you an incentive to learn a new language doesn't it. Now where is my Sombrero ??

Taking the marriage theme a bit further we can't miss mentioning our Peoples Representatives- current and former. Amongst the current we have our Karnataka Chief Minister who attends a Band Baaja 3000 Baaraatis affair a day after banning public gatherings including marriages to stop the transmission of Covid19. After all he couldn't afford to upset the brides father, a MLA from his party. MLA's in Karnataka have wheels under their feet. Don't they?

And then of course we have a former CM who lost his throne precisely due to these hither thither fellows.  He has been aiming to get his film star son married during these trying times. A big fat wedding with thousands of VIP's in attendance and a setup covering 125 acres. 'Chiller' numbers indeed (colloquially speaking).  But Covid19 Believe it or Not, he is now reduced to a situation where only the Bride and Grooms families will attend.  Humble fellows these CM's current or former.

More later.

My Mutterings

Hows and Whys of Street Side Cooking

Spent another day locked in at home. Restaurants across the city closed down. Facebook videos were my saviour.

A major part of these are astounding street side cooking videos. Shot by street food connoisseurs (hmmm) at innumerable street carts across India, you can see these guys with their phone cameras whirring away, question the street chefs about their dishes,ingredients, pricing etc. And the main ingredient of most of these dishes... Amul butter. Yes, dollops of it infect with about 5 eggs thrown in for good measure. 

Wonder how these concoctions taste and how they get digested. No doubt you will have to run the one minute mile a la Milkha Singh to survive the assault upon your stomach.

Another way to digest a good helping of  these dishes during the lock down would be no doubt to venture out on to the streets and encounter the friendly neighbourhood  policeman who has been busy oiling up his billy club and devising ways to release his frustrations. After all what is eaten on the streets is best digested on the streets.

These street side food videos by the way run up astounding viewership numbers with some of them running into millions.

What with the street side food joints having closed down, the viewing public is now getting their voyeuristic pleasures from watching the videos of people performing calisthenics to the whippy sound of a bamboo stick enthusiastically wielded by a policeman.

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The Eureka Moment

Starting from Archimedes onwards all the eureka moments have come at different times to different people: submerged in bathtubs, with apples falling on their heads etc.

My eureka moments come to me while I am asleep. My latest Eureka moment believe it or not was about chicken sausages. Must be all these repressed lockdown feelings which are coming to the fore in my sleep. Juicy Delicious Sausages they were !! And before I could reach out and release my repression my son woke me up. Gah!!!

Talking about the lockdown there is another large section of the populace which has been suffering. The worshippers of Bacchus, the tipplers...whatever you might call them. Recently the social media featured an article from The Times of India, on Microbreweries in New Delhi, which have been forced to pour their production of beer down the drains. More than 1 lakh litres of it. This has no doubt stirred the souls of the dedicated pub lizards and the most popular response, in view of no other options: Which Drain ? 😀😀

The Covid virus has brought a new phrase into our vocabulary- Wet Market. All of you must have heard of the notorious wet market in Wuhan/ China where the virus is supposed to have originated. Via a bat it seems.

Well we have these wet markets in India too. All sorts of upheavals have taken place due to these Wet Markets here too. The latest being in an "Central Area" ( hindi... hint...
 hint). That's the closest I can do without naming the place and upsetting some people.
Birds of a Feather these wet markets.

When you decide to invest your hard earned savings into setting up a business, a lot of research goes into it. You tend to look around at similar business models, see how they have performed, before you plonk your money down. No doubt this poor fellow in a popular mall here in Mangalore would have done something similar. "mad about china ".  Can't blame him really !!!

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The Invisible Story

You must have no doubt heard about the "Invisible Man" written by H G Wells. And then there is the fable " The Emperors New Clothes" by Hans Christian Anderson.

While the first story is about a person who tries to cloak his invisible nudity with clothes the latter is about a king who becomes nude due to his invisible clothes. A remarkable similarity to our politicians who try to cloak their weaknesses in suit boot and err., khadi but still stay naked for it , either which way.

Talking about emperors the Breaking News is about Kim Jong Un, The North Korean despot who has apparently shown himself to be alive... once again. So there goes all that brouhaha about who will succeed him etc. Methinks it was yet another of his nasty stratagems to see who wishes him gone. So all you little men around him, you had better whip out your little notebooks and start noting down his latest gems of wisdom.

And then there are a couple of curious stories about weddings during the lockdown. The first involves a man who was sent out by his mother to pick up some groceries. But the man apparently decided to pick up a bride, instead of the groceries. The furious mother in law has evicted the couple from her house and the case has left the local police scratching their heads.

And then we had a wedding a couple of days back wherein the couple were seen exchanging garlands with sticks. Indeed Social Distancing is the need of the hour but still one wonders how they proceeded thereafter...

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The Jackfruit issue

The Eureka idea (remember!!) to write this issue of my blog came to me with a phone call from a relative offering to share the summers bounty of Jackfruits from their garden. This fruit which is native to the Western Ghats of Southern India is also characterized by its unusually large size. Naturally a visit to relatives in this part of India is not complete without a Jack fruit swaddled up in newspapers thrust in after us through the bus door, with instructions on its ripened condition and admonitions on how fast it should be consumed.

Jackfruits and their consumption during travel also has a hilarious story linked to it of one Okhil Chandra Sen, a Railway Passenger, who wrote a letter to Sahibganj Divisional office West Bengal in 1909 requesting to setup toilets in Indian Railways.

Indian Railways have progressed far from those days as is evident from the instructions provided in the image below (TOILET - bucket & mug is with the station master) .

The Jackfruit also has an association with Gerald Durrell the renowned British naturalist, zookeeper, conservationist, author, and television presenter. He wrote about it in his book "Golden Bats and Pink Pigeons" where it was described thus:

"..What was revealed, when the swaddling clothes were stripped away, was an obscene green fruit, covered with knobs and looking rather like the corpse of a Martian baby. To help with the illusion, there arose from it a thick, sweetish, very pungent smell, vaguely reminiscent of a putrefying body..." Well to everyone his own, even though Gerald Durrell was born in Jamshedpur his preferences were evidently not Indian. But here is a strange fact- the jack fruit was apparently irresistible to the bats and hence was used to trap them. That's a straight hint for the Chinese...

Talking about bats and their impact upon human kind in the year 2020, animals are now reclaiming the land which had been snatched away from them. Thusly we have had various wild animals prowling through Mangalore city, prominent among which were a couple of bisons who with the size of their horns and body frightened the citizenry. Jumping into action the local administration caught one of the bisons and also proclaimed that investigations would be made into how the bison(s) arrived in the city. Presumably by issuing summons to Yamaraja to come and answer questions about his "Vahana". Sadly enough the bison did not live through his encounter with mankind and Yamaraja indeed had to come and collect his soul. 

More later...